Last night I wrote my 'what I did today' blog. I felt mean moaning about my day. After all, the kids all enjoyed it. The girls in the other pictures are my nieces BTW.
The trip to Chirk Castle highlighted all negative feelings I have about Will's CP. and all the reasons I avoid places like that. More activities that aren't viable for Will than are. Too many hills. Too many steps. Too many RUDE PEOPLE WHO APPARENTLY CANT SEE MY CHILD WALKING IN A BRIGHT RED FRAME! Ooohh, can you tell that makes me mad?
I love being a mummy of two. My kids are my world. I wouldn't swap them for anything. Even for a William without CP. But its hard. Harder than i thought it would be. Essentially I am a single parent. Dave works 7 days a week, he's self-employed, his own business, his baby. No-one looks after it the way you do. So he doesn't let anyone. Thus leaving me alone with 2 kids. 1 in a wheelchair, 1 in a buggy.
If I stay at home, everything is fine. The problems begin when I try to leave the house. The dynamics of this are incomprehensible. One of two things has to happen, Will in his frame, and Amber in the buggy. OR Will in the wheelchair and Amber in the sling. Both of these bring their own set of problems.
Accessibility is grim in most places. I'd much rather stay at home in my lovely little house, than brave the rude, ignorant people that step over Will, or shove past him.
Then, even if we do find somewhere that's easy to get round, the activities aren't always 'William-Friendly'. I cant decided which makes me feels worse tho- It breaks my heart when Will gets upset that he cant join in with something. But oddly, its just as bad, when he just accepts it. Like he thinks it is ok. It's NOT ok.
I am frustrated, for him. Sad, that he cant do everything he wants to do, join in with all his friends. and i am easily wound up when I think he's missing out on something due to someone elses ignorance. But I know its not normally out of malice, just the fact that people are never sure how to act around him.
I feel cheated and cross, its not fair! Why us? :'(
But when the day is done and I look back, the most prominent feeling (after exhaustion) is pride. Proud of Will, and proud of myself. Will is the most delightful little boy. He is polite and well-mannered, even when people are rude to him.
Sometimes I have to reign in my frustration, and take pointers from Will. After all, he handles it much better than I do! :) If I had a penny for every time people asked me how I managed, I'd be rich enough to afford a nanny to help out!
Quite honestly, i'm not sure how we do get by. But we do. Just...